Back to work I went!

I'm back.... the blog is back! It's been on hold for 12 months while I focused on a few different things but I have found that I need and want this an outlet for me again! It's been a crazy year but I'm ready to get back into it all again!!! Below will explain the hiatus I took.....

At the beginning of this year I went back to work after staying at home for 9 years. It was early 2007 when I resigned from my job in Real Estate so I could be a stay at home Mum when our first baby was born. I have been SO lucky to be able to stay at home with my babies for so long and not have to work. However, as discussed in a previous post, I got to a point where I decided that despite loving my kids with all I had, I needed something else just for me. So in 2013 I went to Uni and began a degree in Nursing. It wasn't an easy 3 years by any means and I often questioned why I was doing it but I managed to somehow run a household, raise 3 children and build a house within that time. I struggled a lot at times but thankfully made it out the other side with my sanity somewhat intact. I was lucky enough to score myself a job at the end of it all and began my new career in February this year. I was contracted to 8 days per fortnight with a mix of morning and afternoon shifts. It was a huge adjustment for us all but the money was very welcome and the satisfaction at the beginning that I felt from doing something to support my family was second to none. I also loved the fact that I was doing something for me, something that contributed to the community and something that made me feel valued on a different level than just being at home.

However, as the year progressed I began to feel quite disconnected from my old role as a stay at home Mum. I guess that is normal though seeing as though I was back working. I struggled with it all a bit at times, I hated missing out on things the kids were doing at school, sports etc. I always seemed to be rostered on those days. I hated not being on top of house stuff and being able to hang out on the couch when I wanted. I know that at times my husband got frustrated with me as I would whinge about going to work. It's not that I don't love what I do but the thought of going to work and leaving my family behind killed me. I was the one who had always been there for pick ups, drop offs, school assemblies, when they became sick, to take them to and from sport. That was my whole life and suddenly it no longer was, something else was also consuming my time. It's not that I didn't know what was coming and what would happen but to actually experience it was a whole other thing. These feelings of disconnection began to increase over the Christmas period, I have always been able to attend events even when I was working prior to kids. This year has been so different, I've missed out on so many things but am thankful I got to spend a week with the kids before Christmas and across the main days as well. I feel a little more grounded again, like the Mum I want to be and feel that I need to be for them. We've had plenty of meltdowns from the kids needing to be up and dressed by 6am if I am working a morning shift or tears when I need to leave for work in the afternoon. Those times were the worst. This year has been a massive learning curve for us all but me especially. I have learnt that I need to take time for me, if I don't look after myself no one else will. I pushed myself way beyond my comfort zone and limits this year and am so proud of that but found myself quite burnt out at times. It has been exhausting! My hubby was amazing and took pretty much everything in his stride this year, picking up what I couldn't. I am very lucky like that, I couldn't have got through this year without him. Going into next year I will only be contracted to 6 days per fortnight which will be fantastic! It will give me a bit more flexibility and allow for a greater work/life balance while the kids are still so young. To all the working Mummies and Daddies out there.... big love is being sent out to you. It is such a tough gig. The guilt we often feel can be so horrid but at the end of the day what we do is all for our families and for that I think we're pretty awesome!